Whatchu Gonna Do?

It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these.  I’ve had one or two people ask me when I was going to submit another entry.  My goal, originally, was to write once a month.  Obviously, I’m not meeting that goal.  The system that I’ve been running on lately requires only that I write when there is strong inspiration or I feel like something needs to be addressed.  Much work need here.  Bear with me.

Anyhow, one of the things that have been heavy on my heart lately is men who don’t want to be men.  Let me clarify:  when I speak of men who don’t want to be men, I’m not saying that they are resisting the inherent genetic code that makes then males; that’s another discussion altogether.  What I’m speaking of are men who are actively resisting God’s call for us to step up to the plate and be the leaders that he has designed us to be.

I will admit myself that the responsibility that God has laid out for us in his Word is downright intimidating to me and often times I don’t even feel like I measure up to a tenth of it.  It’s daunting, but the reality is, I don’t think that God would ask us to do something that we couldn’t do or that he wouldn’t be willing to help us with.  It seems that the fundamental question here is, “Are we willing to let God lead us so that we can lead our families out of the moral Egypt that surrounds us daily?”

I am tired of hearing about my brothers who are caught up in the booby trap of pornography, pun intended.  I am tired of hearing about fathers who are more concerned with their portfolios, vehicles, and ESPN than with playing with their children.  I am tired of hearing about husbands who are more concerned with questing in Azeroth than with pursuing intimacy with the wives of their youth.  I feel violent towards those who have the audacity to raise their hand to any woman or any child and I have contempt for anyone who feels the need to emotionally harm their woman or children.

I am tired of seeing couples, young and old, living together in a “trial marriage.”  I am tired of seeing women have children outside of marital bonds.  I am sick and tired and tired of being sick and tired over seeing women raise whole families on their own or with very little assistance from the men who donated their gametes.  Not only that, but there are women who are letting these men live up under them and what they wind up with is another child in addition to the ones that they are currently juggling.  It seems to me like something is out of whack.

This is what happens when we try to do things our way.

I’m livid, so I can’t imagine what God must feel.  We could have it so much better if we would stop trying to run his show.  We need to take this for exactly what it is: the Enemy is trying to infiltrate our homes so that he can break us down, family by family.  My first pastor told our congregation that the Enemy will start at the household of faith meaning this:  the Enemy is going to pull all the stops to bring down the Church.  The world is not his concern because as long as they believe that they are fine, he has them already.

I’m going to step up to plate in admitting that I haven’t been doing all that I can to fulfill my responsibility as a man.  I am hoping that others follow suit.  However, this isn’t enough.  In addition to this confession, we must all seek to discover what it is that we could be doing in our marriages, our families, our church homes, our communities, our workplaces, our neighborhoods to step up to the plate and exhibit God’s love through our actions.

So, whatchu gonna do?

Handle With Care

There's a show on VH1 called "Tough Love." When the show originally aired, the premise was about matchmaker Steve Ward whipping naive single ladies into gear in his Tough Love "boot camp." Recently, VH1 has made an edition of Tough Love tailored specifically for couples who are on the brink of separation and need to make a decision to either work out their problems or to call it quits. Within minutes of watching the show, it doesn't take long to see how broken these individuals are and how much you can hurt someone's heart.

On the couples' version of the television show, there was one couple in particular where the guy had been seeing someone else while he and his girlfriend were taking a break. However, he kept this from her and would harp on her for the text messages she would receive on her phone from other men when they got back together. Not only this, but he had a ton of other women's phone numbers and he stayed in contact with some of these women throughout the duration of their time together.

Once Steve Ward got to the bottom of this, the truth came out and he had no choice but to come forward about the girl that he was seeing. You could witness all of the hurt coming out of his girlfriend's face. For eight years, she gave him her life and he chose to thank her by having his cake and eating it, that is until Steve shoved it in his face by forcing the two to take a break. Needless to say, the young woman absolutely agreed with Steve's decision.

There is probably nothing more fragile, and at times, more calloused than the human heart. It takes a lot to give another person access to your heart, especially someone who you are just getting to know. Sometimes that individual mishandles it and then you are reticent towards trusting them or any other person for that matter. They forget to handle with care and instantly an alarm goes off that warns you of ever trusting that person again.

My pastor once put it to me this way: The heart is like a flower. The more you treat it with love and respect, the more it's going to blossom. However, if you bombard that flower with abuse, disapproval, and selfishness, that flower is going to wilt. You have to handle it with care because once you mistreat it, it going to be difficult for that heart to let you back in.

This isn't restricted to dating relationships, however. Sometimes, the original place warzone for the heart is at home, and many have "purple hearts." Although they try to convince you otherwise, parents are not infallible and often times they are still trying to heal from wounds that their parents gave them. Sometimes children receive harsh treatment that's seeded in those dark pasts. It's a generational curse and the only thing that can fix it is the peace and joy that could only result from Godly love. Matters are only made worse when children do not see this type of love exhibited in the home. It makes them feel less secure in themselves and is often the root to why they misbehave.

The point here is that you have to be constantly mindful about the impact that you could be making on someone's soul. In case you didn't know, the heart is where the soul is. It's the center of who you are. It's were emotions originate and cognition takes place. If you lay decay where someone's life-force is, obviously they will wilt. Place termites into a vase of flowers and see that they won't dispose of them. However, if you want to see others thrive, be a light that generates the process of human photosynthesis and watch that person grow.

During the couple's forced break, both had a glimpse of what life would be like without each other. The girlfriend enjoyed the time apart and it put her in a better headspace. The boyfriend was devastated. He felt really bad about what he done and he wanted to make it right. Fortunately for him, she was willing to let him back end after the show stopped filming. Fortunately for him, she did not cement her heart closed. During the end of the season special, he proposed to her, and as of now, they will be getting married.

Have you ever received a package from UPS or FedEx and writings on the box warn you to handle the parcel with care? Although the human heart doesn't come with instructions, you still have to treat it like the tender component that it is. Handle with care.

You Complete Me

Nothing is more puzzling than trying figure out why people do what they do. However, it is my belief and opinion that we do many of the things we do because we seek completion. For whatever reason, we do not know real fulfillment, no matter how many cars we own, no matter how big our houses are, no matter how many people we sleep with, no matter how many substances we introduce into our bloodstream. It still doesn't work.

So we turn to companionship. We start the search for our "soul mate," that very special person who is supposed to come into your life and make you feel whole, that person you are suppose to live your "happily ever after" with. They will bring satisfaction unlike any you have ever had in your life.

We spread our feathers so that we can catch someone's eye. Maybe after a word or two, you two decide to carry on the conversation. The conversation leads to an exchanging of numbers. An exchanging of numbers leads to phone conversations. Phone conversations lead to that counterfeit intimacy known as dating.

I may sound bitter about dating to you, but understand, I don't hate dating. I just think that dating is typically done improperly. Even I'm guilty of that. Dating doesn't give you the type of revelation that marriage does. With dating, you put your best face forward. You don't want the other person to know the real you for the fear that they may not like the real you and they will move onto someone else.

We humans do the strangest things when we become afraid. (Let it marinate.)

One of the main reasons people date is so that they can get a good idea of what's out there. They want to see if there is someone out there that matches the qualifications of their ideal mate. Problem. Often times we want what is going to bring us satisfaction. It's the pleasure principle; we try to avoid pain at all costs. What do we need God for if we are going to tell him who he should pair us with?

It is my belief that God, when he wills to, pairs us with someone who is going to challenge us to love to the point of risking our own satisfaction. Many times, the things we think will make us happier we often don't need. When we date, we feed the notion that people were created to bring us satisfaction. We miss the point of the design.

I think it's evident that humans weren't created to fulfill each other. We are trying to stuff carnal beings into a God-sized hole in our hearts. We put the pressure on individuals to fill God's shoes and to bring us the type of peace and joy that only he can provide. Dating isn't the only place that this happens, but it's one of the biggest and it often times leads to negative outcomes such as physical, emotional, and substance abuse, unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, murder, promiscuity, and the list goes on.

I know some of my brothers and sisters out there are already in relationships or wish to be in relationships with the intent of marriage. I'm not condemning this. However, it's more difficult for believers to date because of society pressuring us to be hedonistic and find pleasure in the things we do. There's also the risk of catching the suspicious looks from believers and non-believers alike for entering into romantic relationships. We get scrutiny from all angles.

At the heart of it, I believe we need to question ourselves when we do things. If we are honest with ourselves, I think that some of the bad decisions we make can be avoided. Use Godly knowledge and wisdom to navigate your walk in the wilderness of human relationships. A heart is a terrible thing to waste, especially when there is a God who wants live in it permanently.